Plan For Life Or Plan For Death?

The picture above is where I was a year ago today. It was actually the 14th that I was told that I was or had been having a heart attack and they did the heart cath and put 3 stents in an artery that was bypassed 5 1/2 years earlier...yeah, it didn't make sense to me until after it was explained to me for the third time the following May.

On the 12th of January a year ago, I was walking around Venice Beach having a heart attack. Today when I walked outside and it was -1 degree, I would've traded this day for that one in a heart beat...um, no pun intended.

Anyway, there's a long emo blog about it on my myspace, so I won't go into all of that, but for the last year I have pondered the title of this blog and have started a blog about it several times and didn't finish it.

I've had 2 heart attacks, 3 bypasses, 4 stents and a carotid endarterectomy, oh and a laparoscopic cholecystectomy, since I turned 40! Mama always said...life begins at 40! But Mama never told me there'd be days like these.

No, I don't eat right, I don't exercise and I still smoke...yes, I need my ass kicked.

So, "what do you do?" I asked myself.

I better say my good-byes.

Tell my children I love them. Tell them I'm sorry for all the things I did that made their lives suck. Tell them how proud I am of the things they've accomplished and the people they've become, in spite of a lot of bad choices on my part.

Tell my parents thank you for a million things. Tell them I love and respect them more than I have or could ever show or tell them.

Tell my siblings I love them and I'm sorry for the times we've grown apart and gone so long without seeing or talking to each other...for no other reason than just where life takes us.

Tell Samantha to make sure that Jeremy always knows that I love him and I can't even begin to explain the happiness that he has brought to my life.

Tell Kati...this one is too complicated to explain because some of my thoughts were before she was even here...

Better get my estate in order...oh wait, I don't have anything.

Better make my last wishes known...I want Amazing Grace played at my funeral. I want a white hearse...

WAIT...Am I just going to sit around and wait to die? I'm not done yet...I have plans...lots of plans...better make a bucket list (I'll make that another blog) and I better get started, because you just never know.

You know that saying...Live Each Day As If It's Your Last...BULLSHIT! How do you do that? If I was living today as if it were my last, I damn sure wouldn't be going out in -1 degrees to go to work. Most times, tomorrow DOES come! I think next time a bill collector calls me, I'm going to tell him, "Oh sorry, but I was living each day as if it was my last and that didn't involve making money or paying bills."

Anyway, this rambling blog really has no closure. I'm working towards some of my plans and enjoying life more...really...I know it sounds lame, but now I treasure even my boredom.

Life goes on...until you die.

Watch for my Bucket List blog.

HUH??

I took the 43 Things Personality Quiz and found out I'm a Romantic Self-Knowing Builder

GOOD-BYE 2008!

It's been a hell of a ride!!



























Bring on 2009!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Amazing Grace

Amazing Grace is my all-time favoties gospel song.

Most people don't know that there were originally 6 verses and the verse beginning with "When we've been there ten thousand yours..." was not one of them. It was added later from a hymn called "Jerusalem, My Happy Home". Several other verses have also been added.

The original lyrics follow, including the above mentioned "added" verse:

Amazing grace! (how sweet the sound)
That sav’d a wretch like me!
I once was lost, but now am found,
Was blind, but now I see.

’Twas grace that taught my heart to fear,
And grace my fears reliev’d;
How precious did that grace appear,
The hour I first believ’d!

Thro’ many dangers, toils and snares,
I have already come;
’Tis grace has brought me safe thus far,
And grace will lead me home.

The Lord has promis’d good to me,
His word my hope secures;
He will my shield and portion be,
As long as life endures.

Yes, when this flesh and heart shall fail,
And mortal life shall cease;
I shall possess, within the veil,
A life of joy and peace.

The earth shall soon dissolve like snow,
The sun forbear to shine;
But God, who call’d me here below,
Will be forever mine.

When we've been there ten thousand years,
Bright shining as the sun,
We've no less days to sing God's praise
Than when we'd first begun.

I could listen to literally ANYBODY sing this song and I have heard many versions.

Until Kid Rock covers it, this is my current favorite...

And whoever is in charge when the time comes, if you could get Kid Rock or even Steven Tyler to sing it at my funeral, that would be awesome. :)

Thanks Daddy!

I did it again...

Yea, I'm doin' It!

YUCK! YUCK! YUCK!

I might be a native Midwesterner, but I miss LA right now!!

Christmas Shopping And Motel Madness

I shopped...




I wrapped...




Now...since I'm staying in a motel, it's not as simple as just putting them under the tree. I don't want to leave them in my room when I go to work, obviously. It would majorly SUCK if I came back and everything was gone. And of course, with it being Christmas time, not to mention 12 degrees outside, I don't want to leave them in my car overnight. Soooo, now I get to load my presents in my car every morning to go to work and come "home" every night and haul them all back in. Did I mention it's 12 freakin' degrees?

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

I Didn't Study For My Drug Test

Needless to say, I haven't gotten off to a very good start on this assignment.

I crashed my car on the way here...see previous post.

So, I get a phone call yesterday, my first day on the job by the way. My drug test came back positive. "Are you taking a lot of medication?" she asks. Um, yeah!

I'm a stressed out, menopausal heart patient with high Blood Pressure, high Cholesterol, trying to quit smoking who had a recent carotid endarterectomy!

"Well, can you just send us a copy of your prescriptions?"

"Well, I don't HAVE prescriptions. I have bottles of pills."

So, I go in search of the copy machine. Cool, it's in a closet size room, alone, with a door. Thank God for scrubs...lots of pockets. I sneak my six bottles of scripts in there and two by two try to place them on the copy machine, without them rolling around and then of course I had to get two angles of each, so you could read the whole label.

Today, thankfully, was pretty uneventful.

Snow + Cold + Guardrails = Why I Hate Midwest Winters

And it's not even winter yet!